Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
why do cheetos always look like penises
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
