I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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