I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
