Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
