margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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