I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
