I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
