Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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