never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
