I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
