I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
