she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
