I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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