she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
