Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
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