So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
