lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You took a bar mat shot.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
