I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Are we still banned from the library?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
