is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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