U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
