how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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