You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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