Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Panties = found
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
