I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
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You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
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I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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