yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I need moral support for this bender
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize