Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
