she woke up with a sticky ear
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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