If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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