Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
