You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
