@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
