I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
