Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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