I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
