2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
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i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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