would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
