the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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