I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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