I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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