I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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