So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
