i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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