I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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