Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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