in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
