i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
