I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
