haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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