he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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