My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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