we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
