pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
