I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
