Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
