some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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