Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
