Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
